The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
