Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
