over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
