Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize