Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
