She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
