why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
