woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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