2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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