Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
