im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
