Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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