it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
