Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
