Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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