Already got asked if we're dating
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
