Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
