do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
