i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
this is an emotional support booty call
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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