Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
