Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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