That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
