you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
