is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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