week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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