I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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