Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
