Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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