im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
