If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
