I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
