Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I did not marry a roomba.
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