i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There r osticjed everywhere
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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