Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize