You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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