We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
