if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
