She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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