What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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