I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
