He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
