Please, let me fuck your mom
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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