Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize