how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
