Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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