I heard we made out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
