jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
