you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
