Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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