We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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