There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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