you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
