the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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