I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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