the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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