the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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