hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
