I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
