pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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