i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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