He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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