my vag is so smooth its legendary
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
