If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
