soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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