You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
