His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
