I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
