dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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