But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
