nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
