you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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