im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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