i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
