...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
