Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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