i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
