You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
