yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
