Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
