I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
