I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
