i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
