Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
